Two recent media articles on life following divorce for former partners present views that are altogether different. Summarized briefly, one of them confines itself to a discussion of ex-spouses who couldn’t get along at all during marriage and have simply extended that conflict outward in all dimensions following divorce. The other, which takes pointed exception to the “warring divorced couples” view, casts post-divorce life for many couples more in terms of a partnership that endures for the kids and can actually increase in shared purpose and amicability following a dissolution.
The latter article is written by Judith Ruskay Rabinor, an author specializing in family matters, who believes that portrayals of post-divorce life for many couples are overly negative and unduly stress conflict in matters regarding child custody arrangements, visitation schedules, parental involvement in school matters and a host of other things.
Rabinor thinks that a focus on acrimony following divorce is a disservice to the truth that exists for many divorced families she sees and counsels. She takes umbrage with the former article’s focus on ex-couples who rely almost exclusively on technological substitutes for personal communication, such as email, texting and Skyping to nail down scheduling matters and other issues relating to the kids.
That is not the reality for most of the divorced persons she comes into contact with. Although technology is obviously an aid, she notes, many former partners hardly rely upon it routinely simply because they can’t stand each other. Rather, most of them recognize that a continued and common parental front is necessary and even essential for positive outcomes in the lives of their children. She says that, following divorce, many people come to find the ex “is a valuable ally.”
A continued parenting partnership, shared enjoyment in promoting what is best for children and the obvious benefits of two involved parents are what motivate most people post-divorce, says Rabinor.
For most people, unending animosity is simply not worth the effort.
Source: Huffington Post, “NY Times article about the benefits of texting to divorced parents misses the boat,” Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Dec. 5, 2012